Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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