Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
