So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
