Its about making memories worth repressing
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
