Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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