He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
