If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
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