Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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