I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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