it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
