Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
