Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
