I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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