I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
