hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
