you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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