I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
