she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
