whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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