question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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