I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
