what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
