saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
