My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
