True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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