dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
