I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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