I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
two words: eviction party
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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