i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
