i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
