Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
