His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
