He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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