U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Randomize
