it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
