What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
