Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
