dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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