Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
