I wish my penis had an off switch
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
