I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Randomize
