Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
