I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
