i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
