I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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