I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
