I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
