...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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