I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
