Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
